We interview singer-songwriter Jillian Jacqueline for the podcast, about the inspiration behind Side B, her recent wedding, writing with Lori McKenna and more.
First, congratulations on your wedding! Your wedding dress was just unreal…
Oh thank you, you know what’s funny is that I did not expect to wear that kind of dress. There was a cape, I did not expect a cape. The cape was awesome because it was kind of like two dresses in one because I got to take the cape off, but let me tell you by the end of the night the whole thing was just ravaged, someone stepped on it…
That’s when you know it was a good night…
Right? It was black, there were holes.
I can’t believe this is your headline show in the UK, I feel like you’ve had such a love affair with the fans over here. It seems crazy that it’s only your first one!
I know right? I feel like we’ve done a lot of shows here, but it was always been with something else. We did the Borderline show, but that was part of Country Music Week and that was part of a line-up. Trust me, I’m dying to bring my whole band over to do a whole tour.
This year, so many firsts for you already, what have been the highlights?Â
That’s a great question. The Devin tour was a highlight for me. It’s so cool being able to grow with someone like that as a songwriter and artist in town, and watch us both get to the point where he’s on a tour bus and his fans are showing up for him every night. Gosh, what else? I don’t know, there’s been a lot of me being able to step out by myself as an artist. There was so much joy in my headline shows in the States, it feels like a long time coming but also ‘whoah, when did this happen?’ and people are actually showing up and singing words.
You were recently over as part of the ‘Songwriters over Borders’ with Downtown Music Publishing. You signed with them before you got your record deal and is that still the case that you always lead with the song-writing element of your music?
It all comes back to it always. I’ve learned so much over the past few years because I’ve been forced into situations where I can’t bring the full band, I can’t do the whole show, so I have to strip it back and do the guitar-vocal and that is where you look at what are the strongest songs, what speaks the most and the lyrics really are how you reach people. Those are my favourite rooms where there is that space to talk and really tell where the story came from. It can be scary being that vulnerable with people, and I’m totally a water fountain and go ‘was that TMI, I don’t know?’ Now, with my husband on stage with me, I think about how much I want to share stories about my ex, and I’m learning how to still be vulnerable.
He’s doing pretty well so far and been painted in a pretty good light, no bad songs yet.
No, no hate songs and hopefully there won’t be.
When you went into Side B was it intentional to be the flip of Side A?
Great question, we sort of stumbled into it like a happy accident because there are songs on Side B like ‘Sad Girls’ that come from a different time but it still felt like a different viewpoint than what Side A was. I feel that in my career, I’m still going to be digging into things I haven’t processed yet, it’s not like all of a sudden all my songs are going to be butterflies and rainbows. The truth is that every relationship comes with its struggles, and as a human, you know mental health is still a really big thing for me, and finding what makes you happy in life.
And that’s a process. One of my favourite quotes is ‘happiness is a mood, not a destination.’
Completely. I’m in a lot of moments where I think I should be happier right now, all this stuff is happening. I really have to keep digging back in and being like ‘Why am I doing what I’m doing? What is the source of my happiness?’ and that is not solved by another person. That’s a unique journey. My husband, he’s on that journey with me. I’m very thankful that I’ve found someone who doesn’t need me to be the perfect version of myself, because there really isn’t one and particularly in this career – there’s never a plateau, it’s changing constantly.
You’ve written with so many different people on the record, are there certain people you turn to for different songs. I mean Lori McKenna is so gifted at drawing out the core of people.
It’s so funny because if you listen to her records, there’s so much depth in her song-writing and so many stories of pain and heartache, but she’s a happy mom of five or six kids, happily married. And I’m like how do you do that? How do you tap in? She’s actually a very content and peaceful person. I think that’s incredible, to be a voice for other people’s stories and not necessarily embody them.
What was the story like of writing ‘Sad Girls’ with her and the journey to recording that song?
So, ‘Sad Girls’ I’d written out this ‘white lies, red wine, sad girls,’ I’d started it as a poem. There was this guy in college and he cheated on me a couple of times and I kept going back to him. I was very naive and I thought I loved this person. In a way I did, but the pain was so great I had never figured out how to let it go, it was still there. I just thought, I got to find a way to get this out. The whole chorus of being in that car and feeling like someone is holding your heart and is crumbling it up like a piece of paper… I wanted to capture that feeling because it’s such a real feeling.
It’s almost like how dare you?
Yeah, how dare you and I literally want to be so far away from you right now, but I feel paralysed by my devastation and how you’ve just used me. It’s infuriating and you want it to be so different, that’s why the bridge is like ‘I wish it was this movie and I could storm away and be triumphant.’ That’s not how it feels in real life, it feels like you’re stuck and you don’t yet have the confidence to know you’re better than that moment.
It’s interesting that that song is very poetic and like a movie vignette, it’s not ‘I, I, I’ but ‘her, she, you’ because I do feel like a completely different person than who that was.
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Final Few
White Wine or Whiskey?
Whiskey.
Statement earrings or statement shoes?
That’s so hard for me. I’m going through an earrings phase right now but in the past it’s always been shoes.
Give up songwriting or performing?
Ooh, that’s a slightly painful question. Don’t make me do it!
Music is… Passion.
Country music is… Comfort.
Jillian Jacqueline is… Complicated.
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